Cook’s Conundrum – It is impossible to lose both hands of a set of gloves at the same time. It is also impossible not to lose one hand of a set of gloves.
Andy’s Auxiliary – The glove lost from your second set of gloves will be the same hand as the one lost from the first set. (Can be extended to an infinite series of glove sets – known as the Law of Arithmetic Glove Loss progression).
Allen’s Axiom – The only tool left at home will the one needed most when working in the quarry.
Carl’s Extension – Most of the other tools, which you did bring on a field trip, will not be needed.
Laws of Field Collecting
Sandy’s Law – The need to go to the bathroom increases with the distance away from the facilities.
Murphy's Laws- Continued
Doug’s theory – Black flies do not live in the woods until you start to dig, at which time and place they instantaneously appear to hold their annual convention.
Ollie’s Observation – The distance to crystal groups in narrow vugs always equals the length of your arm, plus six inches.
John’s theory – In apparent defiance of Moh, when trimming matrix, beryl will break before feldspar.
Sally’s Observation – The best crystal of the trip will be found lying on the surface by a ten year old who will be heard to exclaim “Is this rock any good?”.
Jack’s Law No.1 – The mine owner will always point out a hole in which someone “pulled out a fantastic bunch of azurite last week!”.
Jack’s Law No.2 – No azurite will be found in said hole.
Jack’s Law No.3 – It will take you all day to discover the truth of Jack’s Law No.2.
Rick’s Rule – The attractiveness and desirability of a crystal pocket is in inverse proportion to its accessibility in the wall.
Pattie’s Premise – The enthusiasm of any one under the age of 18 on a field trip with their parents expires at the beginning of the sixth minute at the site.
Morry’s misery – The level of enthusiasm maintained while digging in old dumps is inversely proportional to the number of snakes encountered.
Danny’s Dilemma No.1 – All paths to collecting sites have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
Danny’s Dilemma No.2 – All paths from collecting sites have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
Danny’s Dilemma No.3 – The same paths double in length during your collecting period.
Alfred’s Awful Discovery – The vulnerability of fingers to hammer blows will be demonstrated at least once per collecting trip.
Irv’s Irritation – The person in the hole two feet to your left (substitute right, back or front) will find a museum piece while your hole will be barren.
Larry’s Law – The best crystal pockets are devilishly designed to be in vertical walls placed a minimum of five feet above your head.
Fred’s Frustration – The safety factor of overhanging rock in a quarry wall is highest when there is no mineralization there.
